Sunday, March 22, 2009

Children don't make you happy, says expert who doesn't have any

I read the headline and couldn't believe it! Who have they been talking to? Obviously none of the parents I know. About 4 years ago I had an overwhelming urge to have a baby. The urge physically hurt. I would beg Mr M in tears for a baby and he would say he wasn't ready (despite being together for ever!). Finally he felt we were in a position to have a baby. Then the trying started.

When it didn't happen straight away I was truly devastated. It was months of heart break when a baby didn't just materialise. Adding to this was friends bragging that they'd "fallen pregnant the first month". Shut up with your smugness! I'm sure some can relate to this. Finally when it happened I could not be happier.

The moment Master R was born was the most beautiful day of my life. A hole in my life had been filled and I was whole. I felt complete and that this was what I was born to do.

Of course not every day is a fun-filled love fest. There is days with tears of frustration and where I really have to control myself to stay calm and together. But unlike Dr Powdthavee's claims, my bursts of happiness far outweigh any drudgery of the day-to-day. What's more, I think that having number 2 in a few months is going to add to my sheer happiness.

What do you think? Are you happier?

Social scientist Dr Nattavudh Powdthavee said there was "almost zero association" between having children and happiness. He said: "In a recent study of British adults, for example, we found that parents and non-parents reported the same levels of life satisfaction."

Dr Powdthavee, from the University of York, said most parents remember milestones like a first smile, and think these rewards more than compensate them for the challenging task of raising children. But any small bursts of happiness are cancelled out by the day-to-day chores of having a family, he said in the latest issue of The Psychologist, the magazine of The British Psychological Society.

He said: "To imagine what it's like being a mother or a father we're likely to focus more on the good things about being a parent than the bad things. "This is mainly because we believe that the rare but meaningful experiences like a child's first smile, or graduating from university, or seeing them get married will give us massive and long-lasting increases in happiness.

"These boosts in wellbeing tend not to last for very long. Instead, parents spend much of their time attending to the very core processes of childcare – problems at school, cooking and laundry – which are much more frequent. "It is these small but negative experiences that are more likely to impact on our day-to-day levels of happiness and life satisfaction."

Despite his research Dr Powdthavee, 30, and his girlfriend are thinking about starting a family of their own.

Children don't make you happy, says expert who doesn't have any - Telegraph

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