The octomom

The documentary has just aired on UK TV tonight. Its like watching a horrific car accident. I just can't bring myself to turn it off and yet I'm cringing and feeling so angry at her.

Initially I thought I'd watch it with an open mind. I would not prejudge her and give her the benefit of being a loving woman who took motherhood into her own hands and on her own terms. But after seeing those poor children I just feel ill.

The programme starts with feeding time for the 9mth old octuplets. They are all just screaming and kicking fighting for food and spitting it out at the same time. Nayda and her two helpers just can't give the love and attention that these poor babies need.

What was even more sickening is the poor older children. The oldest girl is old beyond her years. When Nadya pokes the camera into her face and asks her Do you enjoy all the babies? The poor girl responds that she wishes she was an only child. So often she is shown caring for the babies. Sure I did that too as the oldest of 4 and resented the care I had to give but was also proud at the same time. But to have to help care for 13 siblings when is is still a young girl herself?

The autistic boy is given a shower of kisses and then pushed off to a minder while Nadya turns her back on him and attends to the other children.

Then the stupid woman shoved the camera in the face of a boy of about 6-7 years. He screams to get the camera out of his face. Nadya laughs and says he hates being on camera and she respects that. But she continues to hound the boy until he completely breaks down screaming at her and calling her an arsehole. Lovely. Its no wonder the boy cracks and throws a screwdriver at his mother cutting her nose. He screams out "F*%K You!" then tells her he doesn't like her talking about him. This is a cry for help, surely? These are healthy and well adjusted children.

The only saving grace is that the courts have been given some power to protect the children. I hope they step in soon and realise that this constant publicity is so destroying for these poor children.

Hello navel! I've missed you

Six weeks post baby and half the weight gone. I've become reacquainted with my belly button and some of my regular clothes. However that was the easy weight and the next half isn't going to be quite so easy.

Having been given the all clear by my doctor last week we went for our first family run on the weekend. It was a moment I have been waiting for for 10.5 months. My double jogging stroller was my first purchase when I found out about pregnancy number 2. I'd enjoyed my morning runs with Master R along the Hudson River and couldn't wait to start again. My single jogger was left in the caring hands of Mama A (I hope you're using it!).

When we moved back to London the main criteria for a house was proximity to a large park so I could jog. We're right near Victoria Park, one of London's best kept secrets. At one stage deer roamed free but now it's just a huge park with great running paths and gardens.

Mr M and I were a little concerned about Master T's head wobbling around too much but we secured it with blankets and did a few test runs and he seemed very content nestled into the side of the seat.

The last time I went for a run was December '08 so I wasn't expecting much. However I surprised myself, and Mr M, by running the full planned distance of approximately 6kms/4 miles. I did feel it the next day though.

Both boys loved it. Master R loves looking at the ducks and "eich", abbreviated German for squirrels, which we have to acknowledge every time he sees one. Master T just slept. Let's hope it continues because I still have quite a few lbs to lose!

Goodbye! It's been a great 3 years

Source: Image Shack

Following the birth of my second son just 18 months after the first, I've decided to take some much needed maternity leave. Saying goodbye to a business that I built was a difficult decision but my family must now come first.

Brittique was launched as an online boutique to support up and coming British designers. Looking back I feel proud to have worked with so many top names including the already well known like Amanda Wakeley and Maria Grachvogel through to the new stars such as Louise Amstrup and Merle O'Grady.

Of course we have stock to clear so we've cut all prices by at least 50% - including the new season collections from Caroline Charles and Peter Jensen.

Thank you for all your support over the past 3 years. It has been fun and now I'm looking forward to spending time being mum for a while.

In-flight refueling

Mama, Master R and Master T in-flight refueling.

For weeks before the birth of Master T I had a recurring nightmare. Each time I was in the park trying to breastfeed the new baby while Master R bolted towards the busy road. I just didn't know how I was going to cope with a newborn's frequent feeding demands and the high energy of Master R.

A couple of weeks ago I was running late for an appointment and Master T was screaming for food. So I maneuvered the baby Bjorn, lifted my top, lowered Master T's head and he started sucking. Problem solved! He suckled away and we made it to the appointment on time.

Mr M has called it in-flight refueling. Since then many of Master T's feeds are done this way. I even worked a full day at London Fashion Weekend while feeding my hungry babe. Only one woman asked me if my baby was sleeping or feeding.

I'd read about it on HRPMamas forum and I had seen a mother doing it in Tribeca once but can't believe that I didn't try it with Master R. It saves so much time. No more stopping for feeds, just feed on the go. I highly recommend it if you haven't done it before.

What to do with two (or three)?

Source: iCandy


Source: Bambino Goodies

Mama's A and H and I have been having an email discussion about the best strollers for transporting our expanding broods. I've opted for the Baby Bjorn option for Master T with Master R in the regular old Bugaboo and only have a double running stroller (which sadly is Master T is too small and wobbly for). Once Master T is too heavy I'll put him in the Ergo carrier. But after that I'm not too sure. There are some times when you just want to push them and not carry them. (And it limits your wardrobe options ha ha.)

I bought a buggy board before I left the US and subsequently discovered that they give them away for free here in my (underprivileged) borough to encourage safety. However Mama A and I both agree that our boys are far too energetic to be safely constrained to it.

Mama A saw was told about this British brand iCandy "pushchair" as above that is coming stateside in a couple of months. I don't know anyone who has one but will check it out in the next few days and see if it could be suitable for Master X.

This morning I saw a mother pushing her three kids - two in a double and the older on the buggy bike above. If it has a seat belt (doesn't look like it sadly) it might be a better option than a buggy board and much more fun for Master R. We'll have to fight to get him off rather than the usual getting him in tantrum.

What do you think? What are your plans or do you currently use to transport your babes?


Edit: Just saw this convertible pushchair to bike. Brilliant - for one only sadly.

Becoming a full time mama

Source: BBC

It's 9:30pm. I've run around after the boys all day and then tried to do a full day's work. I've thrown together a bolognaise ready to serve to Mr M when he walks in the door at around 10. I boil the water go to put the pasta in and realise I have no pasta. A frantic call later Mr M walks through the door with the pasta asking me how I can forget the pasta when I went shopping for a pasta dish. This isn't the first time it's happened.

You see it's not just the pasta I forget. I forget to have a shower. I forget that I put washing in washing machine the night before and now it's smelling musty. I forget to pay my congestion charge for driving in central London and now face a fine of £60/$120. I forget to put out the rubbish and miss the collection with an overflowing bin. I forget to take Master R's shoes to nursery so he can't play outside and I forget to take my keys out of the bugaboo the when I left it at nursery locking myself outside. Let's not even go into my personal finances where I forget to transfer money regularly and overdraw my accounts.

The issue is that for the past 20 months I have been juggling motherhood, running a home (a difficult and generally discounted job!), and a partner who works very long hours and is very reliant on me to run the show. All this on top of running a business full time. Not to mention attempting to look after myself and knitting.

While I don't feel that I'm on the brink of a breakdown or anything, I just feel constant guilt. Guilt that I'm not giving anything 100%. I'm failing as a partner, failing as a homemaker, failing as a business woman, but most importantly failing as a mother. Something had to give. I've made the decision to close down my business.

It wasn't an easy decision. I started the business naively thinking that it would be easier working for myself when I had children. The opposite is true. It is so much easier to be an employee and take your maternity leave while the concerns of the business are left with the business.

I am relieved that the decision has been made and this chapter has now closed behind me. I'm looking forward to a new start. I want to focus on looking after myself, getting fitter and working on a few other projects. Most importantly I don't want to feel guilty that the boys aren't getting the best mother and "wife" that I can be.

And still more finished gifts

As mentioned in a previous post I've been knitting so much for others that I forgot that my own poor son Master R doesn't have a hat or gloves for winter. After a little searching through Ravelry I found this free pattern for the Norwegian Earflap hat. I love the challenge of knitting this intarsia star pattern and yet the speed you can finish it since it's a small project.

After knitting Master R's hat I liked it so much that I made another one for a friend's little boy's 2nd birthday. I did it without a pompom. I personally like it with the pompom but wasn't sure about it - I'm always so insecure with my knitting and not sure that people will like it. That's why I've only just started gift knitting again. So what do you think? With or without pompom?

The final picture is the back of a coat I knitted. The pattern looks incredibly complex but it honestly just looks that way. When we moved back to London from New York in February I wanted to bring along one big project that would keep me going for the 12 weeks until our boxes arrived. This was the perfect project. It's all done in moss (seed) stitch (k1, p1) so it takes a while. And you do need to concentrate on getting the vines and flowers in the right place. I had finished it months ago except one sleeve which I finished just before Master T was born. I really do need to take some nice pictures of it though. The buttons are just beautiful

In hindsight I really wish that I'd done this in grey. I love wearing grey and don't enjoy purple so much. But I was really trying to get out of my grey rut where everything I was knitting myself was grey. I've given up now and will just knit in grey because then I know I'll wear it. So while this isn't technically a gift knit, I'll probably not wear it often and should really give it away. It's just about finding someone who does like purple handknitted coats.